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This one is priceless. I"m so glad that we have such GREAT BRAINS running our country!!!!!!!



For those of you who have never traveled to the West or Southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing. For some reason the cattle will not step on the guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.

A few months ago, President Obama received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado . Because Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the guards immediately.


Before the Interior Secretary could respond and presumably straighten him out, Vice-President, Joe Biden intervened with a request that before any guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining.


And we PAY these people???
 

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Boudreaux was out in da field talkin' wit his frien Thibodeaux.Thibodeaux said "Boudreaux , you seedat ole barn out dere? Well man, its completely infestered wit rats. I tried everything I know an can'tget rid of dem." Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, I know xactly how to get rid of dem rats. You gotta get you one of dembull constriptors." Thibodeaux say, Whats a bull constriptor?". Boudreaux explains, "man. dats one of dem big ole snakes and he loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once".
Well, da nex day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm and bought him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got. He brought dat snake to da barn an let him loose right in da middle andjust sat dere and watched. Well, Thibodeaux was watchin' for a long time,I mean long, an dere wasn't nuttin ' happening. Dat big ole snake jus curled up hiself in da middle of dat barn andslept all day. He didn't even move and dem rats jus run all around. So Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on da phone, "Boudreaux, man dats some bad advice bout dat snake.Dem rats is still runnin' al around and dat snake jus
lays dere sleepin' all day long." Boudreaux says, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do. Give dat snake some Viagra." Thibodeaux say, "What! Viagra! What's dat gonna do?" Boudreaux say,"I wasjust listening to da radio and de man say dat Viagra is da best ting to use for a reptile dysfunction
 

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Boudreaux was out in da field talkin' wit his frien Thibodeaux.Thibodeaux said "Boudreaux , you seedat ole barn out dere? Well man, its completely infestered wit rats. I tried everything I know an can'tget rid of dem." Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, I know xactly how to get rid of dem rats. You gotta get you one of dembull constriptors." Thibodeaux say, Whats a bull constriptor?". Boudreaux explains, "man. dats one of dem big ole snakes and he loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once".
Well, da nex day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm and bought him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got. He brought dat snake to da barn an let him loose right in da middle andjust sat dere and watched. Well, Thibodeaux was watchin' for a long time,I mean long, an dere wasn't nuttin ' happening. Dat big ole snake jus curled up hiself in da middle of dat barn andslept all day. He didn't even move and dem rats jus run all around. So Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on da phone, "Boudreaux, man dats some bad advice bout dat snake.Dem rats is still runnin' al around and dat snake jus
lays dere sleepin' all day long." Boudreaux says, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do. Give dat snake some Viagra." Thibodeaux say, "What! Viagra! What's dat gonna do?" Boudreaux say,"I wasjust listening to da radio and de man say dat Viagra is da best ting to use for a reptile dysfunction
Rodger,
dats jus rong.
 

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JUST A TAP ON THE SHOULDER

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a
large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the still shaking driver said,
'Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would
startle the driver so badly. The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault.
Today is my very first day driving a cab . . . . . . . . . . . I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.'
 

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A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/ West Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from West Virginia got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, 'You might as well take my azz to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.'
 

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Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."

Johnny replied, "I don't have it."

"Why not?" His father asked.

"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
 

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One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died. He told his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died.

His dad said, "that's just a coincidence."

The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad died."

His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn't eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck. When he finally got home, Little Johnny's mom asks him how his day at work was. "Much more horrible than your day I'm sure," his dad replied.

"I don't know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!
 

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A man walking on the sidewalk noticed Little Johnny was a block ahead wearing a red fireman's hat and sitting in a red wagon. It appeared that the wagon was being pulled slowly by a large black Labrador Retriever.

When he got closer to the lad, he noticed that Little Johnny had a rope tied around the dog's testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly.

Smiling, he spoke to the little boy, "That's really a nice fire engine you have there, son. But I'll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that rope around his neck."

"Yeah," Johnny replied, "but then I wouldn't have a siren."

OK Blev, That's all for now.

Rog,
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
A guy was going home from work one Friday afternoon, excited about the weekend ahead, he was driving alot faster than he realized.
As the blue lights came on behind him, he sped up to try and loose the cop.
After reaching speeds up over 100 mph, he stops. The cop walks up to the car all mad, but tells the fella, "its Friday, I'm taking my kid camping this weekend, and I'm ready to go home. If you can give me ONE good reason why you were going so fast, I'll let you go, and we'll forget all this." "Well, said the guy, "last week my wife ran off with a cop, and I was afraid you were bringing her back!" "You're free to go", says the cop.
 

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A crew of construction workers was working on a job. Every day just after lunch the foreman would leave. He would tell the crew to just keep working and he would be back later but he never came back. One day after the foreman left, one of the guys got an idea. He said "hey guys lets leave early, he never comes back." So they all agreed and went home. Well one of the guys got home and opened the bedroom door and found the foreman in bed with his wife. He closed the door, went and got back in his truck, went back to the job, and worked until quitting time. The next day the foreman left just like clockwork. The guy that had the idea the day before said "hey let's leave again it worked pretty good yesterday." The other guy said "heck no, I dang near got caught yesterday."
 

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2 guy have been hunting for years together. Tim always lets out this one dog first. The dog will go out and see how many rabbits was out in the field and come back and bark for each rabbit he found.Jack finally bought the dog. Jack went hunting by himself because Tim was sick.The dog went out and came back with a stick and was played with for five minutes.Jack went hunting again and the same thing happened so Jack got mad and shot the dog.Jack called Tim to tell him the dog went nuts. Tim told jack you did not understand what the dog was telling you. There was more rabbits out there than you can shake a stick at.:idea:
 
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